I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
