roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
