Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
