Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
