Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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