I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
