Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
