Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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