I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
