real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
