People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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