Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
no you cant smoke seaweed
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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