Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
