THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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