i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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