Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Well I just put wine in my tea
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
