I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize