So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
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is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
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I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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