I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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