I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
