totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
