New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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