Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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