i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize