Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
