I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
