there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
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And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
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