Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
