Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
