I don't usually arrange sex via text message
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
