Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
