Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
