yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
