Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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