You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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