My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
