My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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