Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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