Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
