I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
