dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize