And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
if only i could text you this smell
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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