just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
