I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
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I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
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