I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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