hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
