i jhust puked up my retainher.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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