he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
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She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
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Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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