hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
