Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
