Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
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Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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