So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
of course. lets lasso hookers.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Randomize
