I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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