Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
