Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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