Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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