well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
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Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
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I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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