I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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