Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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