I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
