Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I want to make a zoo with you.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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