i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
