Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
