Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
