Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
